So lately there have been a ton of stories about bullying, it got me thinking about my own experience with bullies. I have been made fun of my entire life! Mostly for things I couldn't change. I had ears that stuck out, I remember going to Wild Waters every summer and felt so nervous every time, I was in the hottub when I was about 6 or 7 years old, there were some teenage girls there laughing at me and asking if I could "fly with those things" meaning my ears! Most of the kids at school would make fun of them too, I acted like it didn't bother me. I became the "tough" girl and would beat up the boys that would make fun of me. Even though I acted like it didn't bother me it was absolutely horrible!! I would do everything possible to never have to put my hair up in ponytails, but once I started playing sports I had to pull it up. Again, I got made fun of all the time! So in 7th grade I got sick of it, and so did my parents, and they allowed me to have surgery to pin my ears back. Isn't that sad that an 11 year old feels like she has to have plastic surgery to fit in?? I'm glad I did it, Mikey says he thought I looked cute and would have likely grown into them, but who knows? I was called "dumbo" "dopey" "big ears" To this day I still have never watched the movie "dumbo" for that reason :)
Another thing I have always been bullied for is my height. I am 5'9" and was extremely skinny back in the day! I guess that's tall for a girl? HAHA!! at least I was able to find a guy that was 6'5"!
As some of you might know I have a disorder called trichotilomania, basically I pull out my hair. It's hard to explain to people but it basically feels like there's pressure in my head (or wherever I'm pulling the hair out) and once I pull the hair out the pressure gets released. It started in Jr. High and got to the point where I had no eyebrows, no eyelashes and huge bald spots all over my head. I seriously thought I was crazy so I never told anybody what I was doing to myself. I was made fun of for being bald, girls on my volleyball team in high school called me "spot" Finally I think it was my sophomore year in HS that I saw "Dateline" and they were talking about trichotilomania!! I realized I wasn't the only one doing this, and so I finally told my mom and it got so much better. I still struggle with it every now and then, I notice it happens more when I'm stressed.
Anther thing people made fun of was my HUGE eyes! They called me FROG! It's funny cuz now my most favorite thing about me are my eyes!
I guess the reason I'm writing this post is to vent? I don't understand how anybody can be so mean to people just because of their looks? I admit I do judge people and make fun, but NEVER to their face! Not saying thats any better. I guess another reason of writing this is to let people know it does get better! I NEVER thought anybody would want to marry me, after years and years of people telling you you're not good enough you start to believe it. I believe I have found the BEST guy for me! He loves me no matter what I look like, and he thinks I'm beautiful! CRAZY I know :)
I just wish people would realize we are all children of God and He doesn't make mistakes, we are all beautiful!
I don't know why I had so many trials in my life, maybe it's to help other people when they're being bullied, maybe its for me to feel empathy for others? All I know is I hope Brigham never has to deal with what I did! To me he is perfect!
I am going to try to be nicer to people and not make fun, and I hope you will all do the same!
Here are a couple pictures that show off my "big ears" :) and big eyes
My cute little puppy
